I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
She even gives head with a lisp.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize