dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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