i was born a porn star she said
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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