You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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