I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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