Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
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I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
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The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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