I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
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He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
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I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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