u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
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Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
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I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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