i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Pants are for mortals
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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