I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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