I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize