I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize