This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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