she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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