I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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