I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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