buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
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I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
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Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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