Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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