sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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