I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
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you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
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After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
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