to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize