Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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