Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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