thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
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His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
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No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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