The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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