What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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