my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
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They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
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I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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