You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize