I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
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He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
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THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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