tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize