Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize