He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
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Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
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He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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