I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
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He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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