Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
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What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
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I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize