I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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