I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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