If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Enjoy the penises
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize