Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
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there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
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Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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