I looked at my own cervix.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Randomize