I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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