I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
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If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
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we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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