Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
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The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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