shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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