Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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