Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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