I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Randomize