hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
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Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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