I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize