good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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