five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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